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Decisions!!

March 30th, 2009 at 05:42 pm

In my last post, I explained that DH took a week off from work. We always spend too much money when he's home. We had talked about buying a new kitchen sink and faucet and installing it while he was on leave.

But, then I had a break down. Yes, there was crying involved. I was having irrational feelings about buying the sink. It didn't feel right. DH didn't get why I would say it was okay one day and change my mind the next.

Here's a little context...On Monday we had some car maintainence done to the tune of $225. I had the money in our second checking account to cover it. But that only left another little cushion. The month isn't over and we needed groceries, and DD12 had a sleepover, with friends who needed to eat. The money for the sink would have to come from the emergency fund...until payday.

DH didn't think of it as a big deal. He was off work, and wanted to do it then. In the end, no sink was purchased, but I was still really annoyed by all my feelings on this subject.

I feel like I'm the only one making decisions based on money in the bank. He couldn't tell you how much his paycheck is each pay period, how much the phone bill is, how much I send to the home equity loan. It's true, I like doing this stuff. I'm the nerd.

But, when it is time to make a decision that involves our emergency fund, or sending in less to the home equity loan...it falls on me. I'm tired of it. I feel like a parent with a child. I even tried the 'let's prioritize these wants' approach. I showed him details of the budget. This is before we went sink shopping. I didn't get much of a response.

As soon as I said, I wasn't sure about buying the sink this week, he just said okay. I don't think he agreed. He sees the money we have and the money coming in. It does look like we can afford it...BUT, is it the right decision? I can't seem to get into a conversation with him about the pros and cons, or other approaches to spending the money on the sink, or the 8 other items on the list, including vacations.

I'm just frustrated that our communication skills on these money decisions stink right now. Payday is coming up, and I'm still not sure what to do with the extra money. Set aside some for a sink or send it to the home equity loan? We are taking a trip in two weeks so some it needs to be set aside for that.

I think I'll try to talk it through with him again...I've got two days until payday.

5 Responses to “Decisions!!”

  1. kdmoffett25 Says:
    1238433747

    You sound like my husband and me. I am the financial guru. He just goes along. He knows I pull a lot of overtime and when he pulls OT, he thinks it is fun money, but I allocate mine to more bills. But that is just me. I want to quit working so much OT to get these out of the way, and will eventually, but until then, OT is bill money. When there are no interest bearing accounts except for mortgage, then OT can be fun money.

  2. dmontngrey Says:
    1238435097

    Oh I so can relate to this! DH is clueless when it comes to finances and the burden falls on me. I will panic and cease all spending (for no reason) when something "major" happens - most often a car repair! I would have done just what you did with the sink - said ok one day and changed my mind the next. We argue about extra money ALL the time. I wish he'd just leave it up to me if he doesn't bother to get involved with the rest of the stuff.

  3. momcents Says:
    1238441734


    I'm right there with you. DH KNOWS that the goals for the next two months involve a $7,800 tax payment and a $3,500 roof repair. Now is NOT the time to tell me that he is certainly *worth* a $40 purchase. I have told him that he put me in the boat and sent me out to see with the financial responsibilities. He can't pull me back in and jump in the boat when he wants to help steer the Good Ship Lolipop. We left that moment as if he NEEDS his $40 purchase now it comes from the vacation money.

  4. Broken Arrow Says:
    1238503198

    This is such an alien concept to me.

    My ex was more like, "If you don't want to spend money on me, then it means you don't want me to be happy." But by spending, it meant on consumer stuff that we don't need and can't afford at the time....

    In any case, I'm sorry to hear that and I hope your husband will understand soon.

  5. north georgia gal Says:
    1238507446

    I can completely relate! I will try to have a conversation with DH about how much I have saved toward Vacation, Car, etc and he just doesn't seem interested! And when I tell him that we need to really back off, he says ok, but doesn't ask why or what is due or being paid! It is a lonely job, but one I don't mind as long as he respects my ability to handle it.

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