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It's Back....

April 2nd, 2009 at 07:18 am

Do you want to hear more about my communicating about money with my DH? Sure you do!

It reared it's ugly head last night, when I brought up the piano lessons that he and my youngest daughter want to take. I was reading the information about make up lessons and that each individual teacher set their own policies. This is something he needs to make sure he's clear on since, he will likely miss quite a few lessons because of his travels.

He's says...I thought you said we couldn't afford lessons! What? Really!? When did I ever say those words...ever? No, I did not. I'd love for them to take lessons. My youngest daughter would probably be taking them already, but he wants to go with her. Since he is the adult in this situation, I waiting for him to handle it. We have the money...sure a little less to the home equity loan, but we CAN afford it.

I proceed to tell him that a few days ago when I was overwhelmed was NOT the same as putting the brakes on all the spending. Which is apparently what he decided I had said. Did he ever say this to me? Did he ever ask questions or communicate in any way? No...only listening and interpreting what he THOUGHT I said.

In hind sight, I should have been a little more proactive in getting him to communicate with me. But I was the one breaking down, crying....letting all the overwhelming feelings out. I wasn't exactly in the best state to do so. I'm sure I scared him. Yes, I scared him into silence. The complete opposite of what I was looking for.

We make more money than we ever have, our income is doubled and it seems that the decisions are much much harder. You would think after almost 13 years of marriage we would have some of this down. I guess we are still growing in this department.

I told him about sending in the $145 to the home equity loan yesterday. He says, is that all?

Read with sarcasm: Yes, dear, that is all. On my own I decided with the money I normally send in to the home equity loan some needed to be set aside for our mini vacation taking place BEFORE the next pay day. Sorry, you weren't available last time I checked to discuss it!!!

Thanks for letting me vent. You know that I don't usually have these issues. He and I did talk right before bed last night that we should talk through some our upcoming spending plans...so that we are on the same page!

Finally, we are making progress...I think.

3 Responses to “It's Back....”

  1. ceejay74 Says:

    It's too easy to leave the others out of the loop when you're the main financial person in the household. Just yesterday I was talking about how our minimum payments on credit cards had gone down from $1600 to $850. NT said, "But we're paying more than the minimum, right?" Well, in December I'd made the decision to stop paying more than the minimum and start putting that extra money into an emergency fund, both for baby planning and because the economy's so shaky. I thought he'd known, but I guess since I don't bring it up all the time and he doesn't have daily contact with the finances, it's hard to keep in mind. I shared the budget spreadsheet with him and AS and explained some of my decisions, and told them to let me know if they had any questions or suggestions.

    It's good to get these wake-up calls, even when they occasionally take the form of a squabble or a freak-out. They remind us budgeters to work harder to keep the rest of the family informed and involved in the plan.

  2. momcents Says:

    DH doesn't want to hear the nitty gritty details of our financial life. He likes it that I am the money mind; however, he misses the fact that every little bit adds up. I told him point blank that April/May are tight due to wanting to nail the property tax payment and roof repair. Yet, it is constant $25 or $40 requests of things that aren't really needed. Here is the kicker, I have on the calendar several outings that are fully funded, so it isn't as though we are sitting around the house looking at one another doing nothing. We, however, do not need to go to Blockbuster to rent DVDs and buy snacks when there are a pile of free DVDs sitting there frm the library. YIKES!

  3. boomeyers Says:

    Honey, after 20 years myself and DH STILL can't communicate about money! Stick Out Tongue I guess it is the process of "keep on trying" !

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